Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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