some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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