I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Someone came in the potted fern
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
