theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize