Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
