I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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