Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
