taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
