What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
