Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
