Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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