if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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