I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
