it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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