I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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