You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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