last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I will be naked everywhere
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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