Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The Olympian is in my bed
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