yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
