I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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