just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
