Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
