I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
