I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
