I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
