When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
