I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
