Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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