I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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