it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he fucked my hip out of place.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
