2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
