how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
