At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize