When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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