i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
