I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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