There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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