chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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