You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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