I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
organizing the empties. That sober.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
