He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
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My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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