yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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