the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
