Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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