I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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