I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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