Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
