My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
