You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
