What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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