Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
