how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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