Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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