Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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