I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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