I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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