You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just invented taco cereal.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
