the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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