i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
